STILL IN MEXICO

filth, lots and lots of dirty and...more dirt. I even closed my eyes wished it was clean, at least like abilene and lest face it, abilene isnt the cleanest of them all. but I closed and my eyes and saw the same damn thing...FILTH. I´m not trashtalking this country, it is beautiful and the people could be nicer. The filth of it all its what gets to me, I feel dirty and I have to atleast shower two times a day because of how dirty I feel. My experiance here is going great so far but if it wasnt for the filth that 90% could quiet possibly be a 100%.

and not to mention that I miss my family and friends so much, I sit in bed thinking of what they could be doing. I think I need to get out and find friends or atleast people to chat with. it gets awfuly lonely in this place. I have a 3 yr old cousin who lives next door to my grandparents...and he has been my company and friend this past week. He reminds me so much of my little brother. My mom, who would of thought taht after not gettting along for so long...now I miss her dearly. even thinking about her makes me want to cry.

I dont know...I guess this is all going to be for the better of it all. or it could turn into the worst...I´ve yet not started my job...school starts until august...and what do i do during my free time? sleep, eat, and watch tv. I have become a sloib lol...which in all honesty in humours me. And the boys...NOT CUTE AT ALL!!! I have never been attracted to mexicans...I look out my grandmothers balcony and blah...all i see are tall dark and NOT handsome guys! it sucks...oh yeah, did I mention that nooone in my family down here knows that I¨m gay! shocker! i know... i hate it. why? because I cannot go to a gay club, I have yet not learned my way around this huge city...so I cant go places alone...jjust like i would if I was terrebly bored in Abilene....

you only suffer a lil to succeed in life...

and someone how...I feel like this is going to make me grow as a person.

I'M IN MEXICO

....and the party, well, lets just say that I'm not made for the "mexican ways to party" I went to 8 segundos and they wait to go in the club a.k.a antro is insane. People rubbing their bodies against you while trying to get in line and people not minding their business and putting every possible part of their body near you. It totally bothers me to have some complete stranger all up on my business.

after the insine wait outside the club something totally insane totally wierd, awkard, inside (as well) happened...I got patted down like some kind of criminal, touched and violated.

it was crouded, loud and alot of people dancing in wierd ways...ways that i havent seen someone dance like that. They danced pretty well, and I kept drinking...my cousin prepared my drinks...shes the alcoholic of the family and lord were they strong. I was gone in a flash. to the point to where I puked in my uncles car and I didnt feel so well after a while...well a long while till my aunt tucked me in bed. I woke up like around ten with the the hangover from hell. (i thought I have had one, but lord, I guess there will always be a hangover that will top the worst) and today will get the number one. I felt drunk this morning...

and the thing that i totally did not expect was my uncle giving me drinking tips...and well, yeah...i think i moved into the right part of the family...

computer about to die...will be back later.

I JUST CAME TO SAY GOOD BYE!

...its a beautiful day outside

too bad I'm not in the mood for such a bright day.

i dont kow what to make of today

I dont know if I want to cry

I dont know if I want to laugh

I hate wasting my life debating... when its quiet obvious that I have EVERYTHING

to not make it such a horrible thing.

I'm gonna miss my friends...speically shawn

today will be the last day to see him

maybe thats why I feel like this?

maybe I'm just pathetic and cant let go of the good things in life?

I guess I'm greedy

and I have every right to be

I hate it!

sooo...i have to say good bye

to all the good things

all the good friends

all the good people

that have crossed my path!

i love you; Alisha, Shawn, Roco, Jory, Nicole, and Melinda!

I will miss you very much!

good bye

adios

jonathan.