STILL IN MEXICO

filth, lots and lots of dirty and...more dirt. I even closed my eyes wished it was clean, at least like abilene and lest face it, abilene isnt the cleanest of them all. but I closed and my eyes and saw the same damn thing...FILTH. I´m not trashtalking this country, it is beautiful and the people could be nicer. The filth of it all its what gets to me, I feel dirty and I have to atleast shower two times a day because of how dirty I feel. My experiance here is going great so far but if it wasnt for the filth that 90% could quiet possibly be a 100%.

and not to mention that I miss my family and friends so much, I sit in bed thinking of what they could be doing. I think I need to get out and find friends or atleast people to chat with. it gets awfuly lonely in this place. I have a 3 yr old cousin who lives next door to my grandparents...and he has been my company and friend this past week. He reminds me so much of my little brother. My mom, who would of thought taht after not gettting along for so long...now I miss her dearly. even thinking about her makes me want to cry.

I dont know...I guess this is all going to be for the better of it all. or it could turn into the worst...I´ve yet not started my job...school starts until august...and what do i do during my free time? sleep, eat, and watch tv. I have become a sloib lol...which in all honesty in humours me. And the boys...NOT CUTE AT ALL!!! I have never been attracted to mexicans...I look out my grandmothers balcony and blah...all i see are tall dark and NOT handsome guys! it sucks...oh yeah, did I mention that nooone in my family down here knows that I¨m gay! shocker! i know... i hate it. why? because I cannot go to a gay club, I have yet not learned my way around this huge city...so I cant go places alone...jjust like i would if I was terrebly bored in Abilene....

you only suffer a lil to succeed in life...

and someone how...I feel like this is going to make me grow as a person.