THE HILLS AND LAUREN CONRAD!

Not to mention that "the hills" is the most amazing show on tv and has the most amazing leading lady in it! Lauren Conrad! Who is amazingly hot, beautiful, and fashionable. She got her chance to go to Paris this year or last year...whenever the show was recorded i guess... but the thing is she got to go Paris and stay with The hottie Brody. Just to make things even more intresting, the show isnt over yet...I mean, ofcourse they had their season finally show and all that deal. But it is sooo not over yet. We still have to see what happens to Lauren in Paris.

Lauren Conrad is sooo on the top cover of "Shape" magazine! looking sexy-fied in a blue bikini! If I had to pick for a heterosexual lover she would be it. Basically....AMAZING!

I BELIEVE IS TIME FOR ANOTHER ONE

this is what I do when life gets pathetic, i write meaningless blogs. I really dont have anything to say other than it is cold as a mother outside, but no snow...it makes me sad that i may not get to see snow again. Since I am moving far far farthur away from the north pole! right in the middle of america...central america, where the messicans are at...the real messican not the "hey bato" ones. I'm talking about the ones that wear sombreros and dance around it to the beat of la cucaracha.

hopefully there will be alot more things to do there than there is to do here. Abilene is so boring. You walk down the street and oh look a church, you turn down the road and HEY! how do you know...another church. I swear!

The night life here sucks...its dead..or...too ghetto that people end up being dead!

SHOCKER OF THE DAY!

today I was at a red light when some homeless guy walks to my car and taps on the window. I, kinda-sorta...thinking I was being smart rolled down the window just a little so I could hear him speak...and he asked me for 20 dollars, which, I did have...but I'm not just going to hand out a 20 dollar bill to some random homeless guy...i mean...heller! he might need it not to feed his three year old *that was his "reason"* but rather need it for him alcoholism, "drug-alism", or what other lism there would be. I looked at him and said that I didnt have any cash on me. I rolled my window back up and then I turn to him and he looks at me, smiles, flips me off and then he kick my car! what a morron. Lets see if I'll ever have simpathy for any other homeless bastard again!...sorry.

...THE END...of the shocker part.

i dont know...i dont even know if people read this shit!...but i might have to stop writting blogs

because!

someone said that I sound like a valley girl on speed! WTF! as if! but I will not stop writting.

WHY?

because it keeps me sane thru the bordem that this town has to offer. lol

and I guess I'm done...

i want to chat it up with some peeps

later..

love,
jonathan.

DO YOU BELIVE IN SANTA?

NOPE!

but I do believe in my mothers wallet!

a lil shocking from a nine year old...but yet sooo truthful!

ANOTHER DAY IN THE SHOES OF...ME!

augh...

wally and marty....its not the same anymore. It doesnt make me happy anymore. Looked for a tobagan and couldnt find any.

oh! AND

why is it so hard to manufacture a decent cute pair of gloves? i've been looking for the perfect pair and yet...no estoy contento! like seriously! i'll find the right look but the wrong color, or i'll find the right color but not the right look! I swear!

i love my life...right...but it is so unfare!...BWW's- he wasnt there! poop on that waste of shawns gas! well his parents gas...we were in his parents care...he ate...i was just there to give my eyes a pupil part-tay.

back to wally and marty...all the homos and their mommas work there...like serously...we shaw a guy that added shawnzo onmyspace- i like to call him shawnzo's crush- but shawnzo totally denyed his request...

he's fugly and grody! a total hey boy hey minus!

TO FINALZE THIS POINTLESS BLOG

i was trying to take a desent pic in the bathroom but I didnt manage to do so...and i asked shawn (which is is asking me to buy him a really expinsive D&G jacket...but i'm afraid I cant...I want to buy me some Ginch and Gonch undies and I can only use it once at a time) if he could take them for me and he said...if I'm in the pic taking mood! augh...wadda whore!

lol

life is awesome!

laters

vesu vesu

jonathan.

DEAR, FAT MAN!

Dear Santa

all I want for x-mas is Jay Mannuel underneath a missletoe smooching my brains out! but that would be the ultimate x-mas present.

and what will make it the same ol' pathetic x-mas as always would be

1. D&G white shoes
2. the itouch
3. "son of the witch" and "confession of an ugly step sister"
4. all of the cheeta girl CD's
5. will and grace seasons 6 and 7
6. a new digital camara
7. a chi (even if I dont have long hair anymore)
8. high metabolism
9. a manicure (my cuticles are fugly)
10. botox
11. omigawd amigawd you guys!! and ofcourse legally blonde the musical...duh
and
12. money? just in case you fail to get me all i want...i can get it myself

love,

jonathan.

LIFE IS SOOOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

needles = 1.49
toilet paper (mega roll) = 9.98
bubble gum = .99
an elf apron = 9.99
scar treatment silicone scar sheets = 13.99

i mean...helloo...39.42 for only five items...where are we all heading to...the great depression?!? STUPID BUSH! which I dont know if Bush has anything to do with the market price of anything...but he's the one to blame...i mean after all he runs this country!

i should move to a third world country where I wont need toilet paper and used leafs, not worry about bad breath, sewing shit, not worry about my stupid keloids (which they have come to be a little too expensive) and trying to keep my mother in the chirstmas spirit by buying her and elf apron (which it was too cute for her own good).

augh...

lol

whatelse

oooo yeah

today at ihop I saw someone that looked like someone that I cannot mention "its" name...and we totally thought that person was with the other person that, as well, cant say "its" name.

and I'm thinking...that i should make a christmas list just like everyone I know is doing...but my taste seems to be a lil too expensive for peoples budgets! so someone said *cough* shawnzo *cough* I should do it...just for the fun of it....

earlier i felt emotional...but all it took from being all emo and sounding like i was about to cut my wrist was my homotesticle best friend.

which...i tend to get emotional..but not that emotial...just over exadurating...ha!

over dramatic me!

k...well i have to go and watch this video that apperantly according to shawn is histerical.

laters.

AAAYYYY! ME DUELE

someone broke my heart.

i feel like being emo

and write a piece of art.

But i rather not give a shit

and

SLAP some effin sense and see

if some brain cells will go thru the right direction

ME MYSELF AND I

god!

give a shit about me for a change!

then again...i talk about I as the whole world

but I talk about the whole world

as one.

I

KELOIDS! FUCK THAT SHIT!

augh. visits...doctors visits make sick to my stomach. What is it called? White sindrome? I believe I have that hidious deseas. I get nervous. My heart beats out the walls. I cant seem to get a straight word out of my mouth (not that i've ever had). I cant seem to stand up straight (then again...haha). I sweat. I get hot. I just HATE it. It was one of those days today. I went to a plastic surgeon to get this hidious ugly nasty things behind my ears called Keloids. Its a type of scare also known as proud skin. Well, mind is effin proud because if effin huge! and I am no exadurating about it. you can ask anyone you know and they'll be like; "Damn why you got some testicles growing out of your ears!!"

Which, you'll be surprsied someone did metioned that to me last night. She happened to be a red head, about 5'5" 160 lbs (i'm just taking stabs at her physique...hope i dont say anything wrong!) and yeah comments like those tend to get me straight to da booty!

Anyhow, I had an apt like around 11 ish this morning...i got there a lil bit early...like around 45 mins early lol...thats so not me but i was there early...I got to see my doc's boobs. She was showing off her treated "proud skin" and she was showing how easy and non painful it is. NONPAINFUL MY FAGGOTY ASS!!! Just tell me if getting 25 shots on one ear and then 15 on the other isnt painful. I mean, you bleed! it itches! its burns! its HELL!

This all comes to teach me a lesson...some sorts of stupid fashion arent ment to be for me. This painful process of removing what used to be a Keloid and now its a tumor its total pain!

and yes. this is a bitchy blog!

i need attention, some love, some apethy, some sympathy?, something. to confort this annoying pain!

and just to think that I have at least six more months for this stupid process to keep up with.

i hate it.
i hate it
i hate it
i hate it

THE END.

wow

so, they are finally here! I didnt have the dramatic reaction I thought I was going to have when I saw them for the first time in five years. How have the changed five years can do quiet alot. It all reflects back as wisdome. I guess I have lost the feeling of having my grandparents around and I cannot believe I have neglected that feeling because quiet honestly it made me realize (i know this wont much sence) how much i have really truely missed them now that I have here with me. but I guess its one of those mysterious ways life works.

all I know is that I'm going to try and sharish this moment that many wont have the oportunity to have. I am grately thankful to God for giving me this oportunity.

JOURNALS, THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO BE SELFISH...RIGHT?

well how excatly would you write a journal without the word I, me, myself, my....me? I mean common!!! A journal is suppose to be all about MOI. So, here it goes!

there will no longer be a me

myself

and I

no more jonathan!

well...not your daily doze of me ofcourse

I am setting flight to a new begaing, hopefully a new possitve and more achieveable life! Im having opportunities set infrom of me on a silver platter! I cant let this go! I mean, who lets go of what they've always wanted. I most certaintly am not letting this oportunity go! i am leaving some good friend behind and I'm pretty sure they all understand the good reason behind it! honestly I cannot wait to go but at the same time I hope my days left here wont go by as fast as they are slipping away right now, well, how it feels that it is. I love my friends dearly! where would I find another Shawn and another Alisha? NOWHERE! this kids are my life! I am who I am thanks to them! i will miss them both dearly! Shawn my right hand my best friend...like I have told him many times before...I am either really lucky or Gods favorite to have someone like him in my life. He's in my life for all the right reasons. My Alisha, she has always been my strong rock, my pillar to lean on when I need to rest the weight of the world on my shoulders.

maybe....

just maybe

I will not be able to handle it

and i will come back to reality....

because at the moment all this seems to perfect to be real

but I will grasp and hold on to it for as long as I can

oportunities come and go

and I cant let this one go!

wish me luck

you will be missed dearly!

love

jonathan.

WHY IS IT NEVER ENOUGH?

I saw the way he looked at them

why cant he look at me the same way?

I saw the way they

looked

talked

moved

and walked.

i tried

as hard as i could to be liked by him

i came out tonight...ready to show him that I was ready

show him that I am what he likes

a simple wave and a simple smile

it was all...all that accured between me and him

i was ready

more than ready

to get his attention

REFLECTION

REALITY

AND

REJECTION

i guess thats the way its got to be

i can change who I am

but I'll never be up to his expectations

one of my smartes moves yet

putting everything on hold


JUST FOR HIM!

it didnt change

not a damn'd thing

loser lose

winners win

i guess its all catagorized for everyone

even me

change who you are

but it wont change the mind of others

harsh reality

a slap on the face

and it made me realize

that I'm not for him.

OUR PEPSI DELIVERY GUY IS GAY

Today like around 1:45 pm some randome guy walks in to my moms business, he looks around and seems a little be lost. I happen to be by the door when he walked in and he introduced himself as "the new pepsi delivery guy". A farely attractive man, only in his twenties, tall, handsome, strong voice, and very VERY built...in other words...hes hot!

I just stood there look up and proceeded to say between giggles "wow, you're very tall" he looked at me and winked...lord I'll be damned, i literally went weak on my knees. Then after my own little minute in heaven i kept stearing at him. He waved his hand infront of my face and said "I have a delivery, where should I drop it off?" I kept stearing not even caring if I was being obvious about the whole thing and literally whiping the drool off my mouth and said with a tremble in my voice "by...the doors?" He smiled and sarcastically said "doors? which one?" i antisipated before he could say anything else and made me look like a total morron and corrected myself "well...door" I walked towards the kitchen laughing at myself thinking of how stupid i had looked.

He did his job, unloaded the turck and as he was sitting down the merchendise I couldnt help but to stare as he was bending over. lol. he then porceeded to say. "hey, I'm new to this town and I was wondering if you could help me?" Excuse me! help?! uhmmmm...."sure" he then said "well...dont make a deal about it...but" i could see he was getting nervous to ask but the he proceeded to ask "i want to go out tonight" I could see where all this was going, so....i played dumb. I asked him if he was looking for a bar and he said yes. So, I named all the bars I could think of except for one. I knew i was going to bring it up sooner or later but I had to wait and see where all this was going. Then, he looked around him, leaned over and whispered "any gay bars in this town?"...as the tease that I am I proceeded to say with a laugh "this is a christian town you know..." I have never seen someone look so unconfortable and red! Then I laughed again and said "yes, theres is one and its located on s.1st" We talked about the bar, he invated me to go, but I said no.

After he left my mom noticed that I was talking to the delivery guy and asked me what were we talking about. I just mentioned to her that he was looking for a place to go tonight and I told him of some places he could go. My mom looked at me and said "you should of invated him to that one gay bar" I laughed, I told her that I mentioned it to him and that he had invated me but I said no. She slaped me behind my head and said "Are you stupid?! He's cute and very masculine looking....you should of given him your number!!!" I rolled my eyes at her and walked away.

I dont know what was more awquard, me standing there like if I had down-cyndrome or my mom trying to tell me to hook up with the pepsi delivery guy?. oh well...I'm pretty sure I will get to see him again...after we run out of pepsi...and lord I hope its soon, just having that eye candy for one day made my whole entire evening! what can I say... little things in life keep me satisfied.

jonathan.

TORTURE, LIFE IS FEAR

So, I guess its time to confess. I guess i'm suppose to do this as if I was in a AA meeting....hi, my name is jonathan and I'm a homosexual. Yes, I guess its a little too late to be thinking that I'm coming out of the closet...but to some, its a lil tad too early.

My grandparents are coming to town from mexico for a short vist, I can hardly hold a tight grip of the overwhelming feeling. I havent seen them in five years. Alot has happened and alot has to be told.

My grandmother in one hand, she has an idea of whats really going on. I havent really bluntly have told her that I, her grandson doesnt really have the attraction for the opposite sex. She hassels me about not having a gf, she compares me with my other cousins (male cousins). the only reason why I tell her that I dont have a gf is because I carry the Masias gene on my granfathers side of the family. All but one is married and thats my grandfather.

she laughs and says that thats not a way to live. well, I agree, it isnt. I dont want to grow old and have noone by my side. thats just a fictional thought as I am capable to love and to be loved in return. But, to them love can only be shared between a men and a women..."true love".

My grandfather is who I fear the most. He fallows the bible down to the last punctuation. I can hardly immagine what his reaction would be. If he would love me still, if he would look at me the same way he did five years ago, will he still grab my nose and prettend he has it in a tight grip between his fingers? yes, he did that when I was 16 and it got me...it made me laugh and giggle. I love him with all my heart, he is as a matter of fact the only father figure I have in my life. as we all know, my father hasnt been part of my life since I was 10 so the only person I could turn to was him.

the only rejection that will haunt me for EVER will be the one coming from him. I want him to accept me for who I am. He once told me to show my true colors and I am willing to show and let him know who I am. I'm scared, I fear that I will lose the only love that I know is genuin from a male figure. My grandfather, i wouldnt know what to do without him.

FOR THE SAKE OF ALISHA

i guess I havent been posting much since i started my fasting...lol...and no, it wasnt for thirty days. it was a lil bit less than that or it could quiet possitively still be going till now. I cant complain, I've lost a suficiant amount of weight and I'll be honest...i want to lose more. but now that I have gotten rid of the standard "over weight" mass its has become a lil bit more complicated to lose more. I eat now, once a day lol but i eat till I cannot go on. One thing I have come to realize is that no matter how much fatter/skinnier i get...I will never be happy with my body. So, yeah...at times I thought it was completly pointless to not be eating a hamburger, a slice of pizza, chips...whatever. But if I did...I would feel so guilty about consuming what I had eaten. Sounds like I'm on the verge of an eating dissorter, face it...not eating for three days was asking to have one. Shocking? nawh, dont worry. no pain no gain! but what if you had gone thru all the pain and yet...no gain...well atleast I think...i mean, I havent seen very much difference on my body size and/or apperiance....that puts be back into "i'll never be happy with my body...EVER!"

Friends say that they see a difference, but I dont! Another thing is ...you notice things about your body that others dont see. Who knows your body better than yourself? the answer is right there...nobody else but you. I see flaws that you dont see...i see this and I see that....why? i've lived in this body for 21 yrs, I know every frekle, every mark, every wierd part that I dont like. so therefore...i will always see what you dont see. Yeah, I joke around, making dumb jokes about me being hott and being all that, but I just do it so I wont show what really goes thru my mind.

but I guess at the moment I am a lil bit happy about the way I look...even though a shirt may fit me tight here and it might feel a lil too wierd there. I get my "I'm fat" moments...and I dont think they will ever go away. Everyone has them, right?

MY SECOND DAY OF FASTING!

well, yesterday didnt go as bad as I thought it would. Even though working at a restaurant isnt very much help to begain with, but I actually pulled thru! didnt cave in to the delightful temptaions, i sniffed here and there...but thats about it.

People say that the first week of fasting is the hardest, not to mention the first day! my goodness! now I know how the starving kids from etheopia must feel like...I'm only saying this in exaduration!... but seriously, it was a hard day yesterday.

You must think that after drinking water all day, I would be spending most of my day peeing like a raise horse or I would be getting up every minute last night, but didnt happen that way...I guess I just peed everying in one go! so today is another wonderful day of not eating. i can deal with it.

Not eating on the second day never killed anyone! then again...fasting for thirty days is a free ticket to the grave! Alisha was just missunderstanding and missreading things...this fasting diet only goes for two week not thirty days!...so I lied when I was saying that I was going to fast for thirty days...in the back of my mind I was thinking; "is this humanly possible?"...which its not. but ne hoo! We'll see if this second day is a lot easier than yesterdays!

ciao, bellas y bellas!

STOP EATING YOU FAT ASS

Being 5'7" and 170 lbs? omg! I'm fat! yes....fat! F.A.T! I have decided to go into a water diet. I'll be drinking water for 30 days!

who made me decide this? Alisha! after saying that I look skinny in pics, what does that make you think? that I'm not so skinny in person!

its ok! if a lighting strikes I call first dibs on her turkey legs!

another p.t.

shes soooo trying this diet with me!

i hope it works

cross your fingers

and hope for the best!

for all you know!

i could be your next brad pitt!

and be ware of the future Angelina Jolie! (a.k.a. Alisha)

....and do you know how much money it would save us if we dont eat?!?!?!

LOTS OF MONEY APPARENTLY!!!

we'll see! we'll see!

heres a before pic!

THE AFTER WILL COME IN 30 DAYS!

SOMETHING NEW?

So I decided to get a nifty little blogger, since everyone seemed to have one and enjoy it. Why cant I have one? So, I did... Welcome to "The Gospel Of Jononon" where you will get lots and lots of complaining, bitching, venting, and retorical literacy! If thats not a word then I suppose i just made one up. "Retorical Literacy"...ah...how great is the world and made up words! I would also like to thank Alisha, for helping me get this new source of intertainment. Where I will get to show off my grammatical errors and make a Native English speaker ashemed to know that I, personally have been mutilating their Language! But, I do have to say that English, for one... its a tad complicated for native english speaker. For example, Alisha, lord...*sigh* Alisha! haha...She cant even say words right! Its must be a hereditary speach impediment or maybe its just that she cant seem to master the skill of english speaking. But, I will do my best to keep this blogger updated as much as i cant...busy busy me! but I'll try...'till morrow!

jonathan!

Sound check

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